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All readers of this article have some idea of the scientific meaning and antecedents of anger. Let's try this one with a 'twist'. It all starts in the beginning with the 'Trinity'. Warning - this interpretation is my understanding and all readers who are sensitive to analysis of God's work may skip this section, I do not intend to hurt any sentiments. Brahma (Hindu God of Creation) created the world and rested.
He had no interest in how his creation functioned. Vishnu (Hindu God akin to CEO) - like a politician worked on the process where the end justified the means, many a time even if such means were questionable as illustrated in the two great mythologies (Ramayana and Mahabharata). Shiva (God of recreation through destruction), for the purpose of this article, is the initiator of anger - beware the Tandav (Shiva's dance ritual when angry). While Krishna Leela is all about the 'Art of Love' which is a future subject for this author, Tandav Leela is the 'Art of Anger'. Anger as depicted by Shiva is not only useful, but used rightly leads to destruction and recreation. Recreation is always more beautiful than creation itself.
What is the purpose of this analysis?
1. Anger is sanctioned by God, even He uses anger as a means. If humans are the prototype of God, as he created them in his own image, can they use anger as God uses?
2. The myths about anger.
3. How is anger expressed?
4. How and when to use anger as an instrument to win and influence people?
5. When is anger an excessive response and what to do about it?
Is anger sanctioned by God?
Anger is sanctioned by God, even He uses anger as a means. If humans are the prototype of God, as He created them in his own image, can they use anger as God uses?
The answer to the first question is very complex, and even "The Buddha" himself will struggle to find a fixed answer to that question. I am crossing a few uncertain boundaries, by even asking the question. Suffice it to say, that God is not subject to human laws and therefore He can use anger any which ways he wants. Since humans have subjected themselves to their own laws, they have limited themselves to act as per law and not as God would do.
The myths about how to deal with your anger
This is controversial and raises eyebrows, whenever I touch on this subject. However, they are not mine. They are propounded through research by the Albert Ellis Institute of eminent psychologist Albert Ellis. You may read the book "How to control your anger before it controls you? by Albert Ellis. A word about research on human affairs is that they are research and limited to the respondents studied for the purpose - they can only be generalized to a limited extent - with the rider that 'individuals differ'. What is important is that this research goes contrary to folklore, and worth some meta-cognitive attention. If you wonder what meta-cognition is - it is the knowledge of one's own cognitive processes and the self-awareness to self-regulate that knowledge( as defined in Wikipedia).
The myths:
1. Active expression of your anger helps to reduce its intensity - Freudian catharsis.
2. Take time out when you feel angry to count 1 to 10 - done often enough, you may be misunderstood as someone who does not like to communicate.
3. Anger motivates you to achieve your goals. Sometimes it works in the short run, but destroys trust and relationships in the long run.
4. Insight into the past explains and thus reduces your anger - you may spend years finding out why while all you wanted was what and how.
5. Outside events control your anger - you do not have a choice.
How is anger expressed?
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other intensive emotions, physiological and biological changes always occur when a person is angry. The heart rate and blood pressure go up, sweat may break out, breathlessness and palpitations may occur energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline are released into the blood stream.
To respond aggressively when angry is a natural survival instinct. However, social laws and mores impinge on us to act in a safe restrained way, when angry. This restraint gives rise to anxiety, that leads to various physical and mental ill health.
We usually have three conscious processes to deal with angry feelings - expressing, suppressing and calming. Expression may be either aggressive (negative) or assertive (positive). Suppressing anger can lead to channelizing anger energy in a more constructive way. Hold the anger, think about your beliefs that caused the anger, dispute the belief by replacing with a positive and rational belief and evaluate. If not re-channelized, anger may turn inwards with all the negative after effects manifested in destructive behaviors that may eventually lead to depression and in extreme cases, suicide.
For those who are high on self-awareness being calm is their preferred and healthy response. They control both external and internal responses through rational thoughts that intervene between the antecedent events that cause the anger and the arousal of anger. Once the reason for anger is successfully disputed the response is eliminated. As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone-or something-is going to get hurt."
How and when to use anger as an instrument to win and influence people?
I am treading on thin ice with this proposition. Please use with caution, it may not work all the time and one needs some practice to make it a natural response. A debrief with self-talk, a friend or confidant is very important part of the process.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone deliberately tries to make you angry and discredit you in a group setting and thereby derail the deliberations? All of us have. What is the usual reaction of the group in such a situation. Usually, to wait and watch, until you react. Mostly, the group responds to the reaction rather than the action that caused the reaction. Why? Usually, the group sees this as a dialogue between two individuals, and since the victim is not reacting, they do not feel any reason to react - they are just bystanders. However, when the victim reacts, they all feel that the situation may get out of control and they take on the responsibility to exercise some order in the group. This is known as group think. And when the group acts, it is usually against the victim, because that is the most current situation. The group and the victim then get into an argument - the victim trying to prove that the accusations are misplaced, and the group to stop and divert the conversation to safe territory. This interaction then turns the group against the victim/defender as someone who is intractable and ready for a fight. The original reason for this has already disappeared a long time back, or never really existed.
Mostly, we have reacted to these situations either with anger and ensuing rage or by trying to attract sympathy through acting out the victim in full blow including tears. Both, act against us seemingly as an overreaction or someone who is trying to leverage the group's emotions through a sob story to divert attention away from the issue.
The next time this happens try something else. It is natural to feel angry. When you decide to make the reply, try to do the same thing to yourself as the accuser was doing - accuse yourself and spice it up. Do the unexpected - but be in control of all your senses. Become an expert at self-awareness before you even try this. Let me know if you won and influenced people, including the mischief maker.
When anger is an excessive response and what to do about it?
You become angry when you perceive that something or someone has done something against your expectations or has trespassed into your space -whether virtual or real. Anger is a normal response. The illness starts at the point where we think that it is an excessive response. Anger becomes excessive only when it turns to aggressiveness and rage. We are bound to fail, if we try to eliminate anger and this failure results in a feeling of inadequacy. There is also very little reason to control anger. What we need to control is the behavioral external manifestation of anger or the internal suppression that destroys our relationships and our own self-esteem.
We live in a world of band-aid treatment to quick-fix solutions. You will find millions of books and articles which will give you zillions of techniques for self-help to control anger whether derived from eastern or western philosophy. Do they really help, or the books just adorn our living room to impress our neighbors and visitors? Techniques are just what they are, they may or may not work. However, they do not deal with the underlying cause of the issues at hand and only provide symptomatic treatment. Once the symptoms disappear temporarily we feel relieved that we have found the panacea to all our ills. And then the symptom returns in another place, for another reason and in another context - does the technique now work? Probably yes, but most probably not.
What then should we do about it?
Well, the answer is complex, but the solution is simple.
1. Know your self - be your self.
2. Stay within the confines of legal or societal norms without being self-accusatory if you fail in minor details.
3. Be aware of your responses and your own chemistry to external stimulus - strengthen your self-awareness skills.
4. Record and analyze your responses.
5. Use humor, theatrics and humility.
6. Repair your relationships that have been harmed due to excessive responses.
7. Change your environment.
8. Enhance your communication skills.
Ultimately, all of this is a matter of choice with responsibility. I end with a quote from Viktor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning; "We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they have sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
Sanjay Behuria
"Achieve Your Unlimited Potential"
Life and Executive Coach
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