Control anger and healthy grapes of wrath

In their attempts to describe the furor, many authors, therapists and anger management teachers use words, exacerbating the problem of anger. Both pseudo-types anger Description "normal" or healthy, tell us nothing about what happens during arousal angry or whatever it is. They are the regulatory environment with no meaning other than values, ideologies and those who use them. "Anger" only means that the person using the word is probably going to get angry at the same under the same conditions, and that everyone should have him or her.

Anger is a natural, of course. It is part of the innate fight/flight/free ze response we share with all mammals. Anger in all animals is a powerful incentive to dominate dominate or responses for the protection of minors, self-government, and on a joint social animal Pack mates. (Check out this hierarchy for myself, I think, when you get Surprised if your neighbor's yard, you or your children are at risk.)He has dual perception of vulnerability and threat to activate the emotion of anger as all animals are lesser threats with more anger, when we are tired, hungry, sick, physically injured or emotionally wounded.

Despite the universal angry modern people are the only animals who have trouble anger and only social animals who continually tap anger against minors, self, and Pack mates. this because we recycled main function furor of protecting life, loved ones, as well as fellow protection ego today something like verbal abuse appears to make us feel vulnerable and in need of protection, even against their kith and kin.

Healthy way to experience anger

Adjectives don't just describe function furor, they come very far from what is really going on with us when we feel it nevertheless, everyone wants to know about healthy anger.

When the press it is naive to ask about the "healthy grapes of wrath, I enjoy following an accurate description of what happens during the anger arousal:

"I'm angry (or outrage, impatient, irritable, closed, cranky, etc.), which means that I'm currently in a mental condition that reduces my ability to understand and see any nuances. adrenaline rush, I am making me increase and facilitate that stimulate my anger, although it crashes my decision and make me unable to see other perspectives or to see other people at all, in addition to my emotional reactions.

"I'm probably more self-righteous than right.No doubt the small ego defenses, making it more likely that I'll break my deepest values than protect them, and that I will speak against my long-term interests.

"I am not able to manage my impulses and tolerate frustration. My fine motor skills temporarily deteriorated.

"I don't have to try to negotiate, analyze the issue, or do something great, until I was governed by a temporary condition that prepared me to compete when I really need to solve the problem."

Of course we are unlikely to experience anger in this truly healthy, without great practice.The point here is the standard terms to describe obscures the anger and distorts what happens in the experience of anger and thus exacerbating the problem of anger-duplicate form of emotion that makes us act against our long-term interests.

Do not justify, improve

The real motive behind the use of standard terms to describe the anger is justified by some anger and blame others, also if you have the right to experience some form of anger, but not others is simple conceptual problems for authors, therapists and anger management trainers who are trying to separate the "justify" from "unjustified" anger turn natural disasters to people who use these pseudo-descriptions conform to guide our everyday life.It makes you seek to justify, instead.

Of course you have the right to be angry and experience any kind of anger.(You have the right to shoot yourself in the foot, for that matter) more important question is as follows:

"This is my anger helps me be a parent, partner, friend or colleague, most want to be?"

This is a matter of your core values, which are the basis of your ego, as well as its strength. If your behaviour is in line with your core values, increases your sense of internal value by reducing the need for ego inflation. improving internal cost you become less dependent on the get values from other. reduce dependence on others, you can see them as individual people who, like you, who often blindly and regrettably defend their own inflated egos; in other words, you become more compassionate. you sense less internal vulnerability and less external threat, which makes you less likely to induce reactive anger. short you make angry less necessary in your life: you start seeing angry as generally not bad, but an important signal to go back to your main value.

Unfortunately reduced double-threat and vulnerability perceptions of ego by increasing the value of fixed assets has been the history of treating anger issues, including anger management and traditional psychotherapy. but this is a topic for another article.

Dr. Steven Stosny's latest book is how to improve your marriage without talking about it: finding love beyond words: the author of six books, he has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show, "" CBS Sunday Morning, "" the today show, "and CNN 'S" Talkback Live "and" Anderson Cooper 360 "and is the subject of articles in the New York Times, Washington Post, u.s. News & World Report, the Wall Street Journal, Esquire and Cosmopolitan, O, Psychology Today, AP, Reuters, USA Today.http://compassionpower.com